Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Do You Ever Have One Of Those Days ??????

Do you ever have one of those days when you just want to give up? That life living with lupus is too painful to bare? I know I do.  Everyday is a struggle whether it be getting out of bed to doing everyday things like work or doing dishes. Nobody can describe what kind of pain they are in even if it mental or physical or both when you have lupus. Depression is a huge part of having lupus. At times I feel this unbareable loneliness and I don't understand why I have this disease.  I deal with the weight loss and the weight gain. I deal  with up and down emotions some I can explain other times I can't. I used to be so happy and funny, but these days I don't laugh much. I look at my self and realize that my smile is gone. I used to think that it was just me. That I was the only person who had to bare this cross. If I had one wish it would be to wake up in an entirely different body. I know that is NEVER going to happen. I try not to let this get the best of me and anyone who has lupus will tell you that it is not easy. So I fight with every bit of strength that I can muster. I have too. My daughters need me. My husband would be lost without me. My friends would miss me. My life has been nothing but survivng the odds from the day I was born. I would like it if I had just one day to wake up and look at my face in the mirror and like what I see. My mind, body, and soul are just tuckered out. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. I know that giving up is NOT an option. I know that throwing in the towel is unacceptable.   Life is a choice you either live it or you don't. There is NO in between. So I am going to continue fighting even if I do get knocked down I will just get back up. I REFUSE to let lupus be the end of me cuz I know I have so much to offer. I am a good person. I am a good friend. I f I just stay focused on my  goals and the things right infront of me I know I will be ok.

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