Sunday, May 22, 2011

Lupus and Being A Mother

When I was diagnosed with SLE I was too young to think about having kids.  I was born in Cambodia at a time that there was genocide going on. I was adopted by an American family at the age of ten months old   , because my parents were killed in a rocket attack.  So I did  not know much about my biological back round. I didn't know if I could have children and if I did would they have lupus too?  I started my family young. I was 20 when I had my first daughter, Natasha (16) and she was born healthy.  I was so excited to be able to be a mother to someone who came from me.
 During my pregnancy I was worried that she wouldn't be okay.  My delivery was long and tiring, but I gave birth to her and she was perfect.  I was in a good hospital that dealt with high risk pregnancies.  I was enjoying being a mother and my lupus was under control.   Not even a year went by and baby # 2 was conceived. I started  to show little signs of a flare up , but nothing the doctor's were concerned about.  I had found out that I was having another girl I named her Kassie (15). I gave birth to her in ten minutes and she was healthy as well.  Both times of having kids I still had concerns about passing the lupus gene on to them , because I was told it skips generations. I had them checked immediately for lupus. Luckily they didn't have it at the time I had them tested.   Recently my youngest, Kassie has been showing little signs that maybe I need her to get checked out again.  The worst part for me is that I can  see a butterfly shape forming on her cheeks an that scares me and I am just petrified that it is possible she could picked up on the lupus gene.  So I am going to have her screened again so hopefully I am just worried over nothing

Let me tell you that motherhood and having lupus is a challenge.  Not only do you have to worry about your health, but now I have to worry about my kids health and how I am going to avoid getting sick myself.  That didn't work out too well for me,  because every single time they came home and they had been around other kids who were sick I was the one who always caught it.  It never failed. I would get a cold that would quickly turn to an upper respiratory infection that would turn into bronchitis that would then turn into pneumonia. I was a mess and I still had babies to take care of. That was hard to do, but I got through it.
NOBODY could ever have warned me that at the age of 9 -16 I would have a double dose of stress. I can not begin on telling you how I have managed to stay in remission as long as I have, but by the Grace of God I did it.  Now I am not trying to say that I am a super mom who has lupus. That would be really dumb on my part,but what I am trying to explain is that each and everyone of the people who have lupus has a super strength that makes them want to fight. Other's may not feel the same. It really is about motivation.  My motivation is my girl's. To watch my kids grow up into young ladies and then be there for them when they get married and have babies of there own. That is what gives me strength and motivation and try to have a good attitude. If I get knocked down I will dust myself off and get up again. My heart goes out to all the ladies and gentlemen who struggle and they are just too tired to fight.  Well that is all I have right now. I would like to thank everybody who has read my blogs I appreciate the kind words and support.  I think that is why I called my blog Fight For Lupus, because if someone doesn't have the strength to do that and I will fight for you.
Thanks again for reading my blog. To be continued... there is so much that I would like to cover.

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