Friday, May 20, 2011

Who Says I Can't !!!!!

There are times when I get in this stupor the kind of blah feeling. Some days I don't want to wake up and start the day because it hurts to even walk to the bathroom. Other days I can manage just fine, but there is a big price to pay. Feeling the pain later. You try to take a hot bath so your body relaxes, but even that doesn't help much. You try not to take it out on the ones you love ,but you can't help it. Then you start feeling bad because you think nobody gets it. So you sit there and have yourself a good cry. If you are at work and you are not feeling your best, but you are not really showing it because you don't want to lose your job. Who can you really turn to for support?  You know what? It's ok to cry and it's ok to be upset. You can only do what your body is capable of doing. I spent a long time being a people pleaser and put on a front so nobody thought that I was a big baby or that I was using my disease as a crutch but inside I was hoping that there was people out there that was just like me. Then there was this invention called the internet. I didn't know how or even what I was going to do as far as lupus was concerned, but then I started to noticing that there were more people then I thought there was who had this disease. That is when it all started to make sense. I realized I am not alone in this and if I just reach out to anybody who goes through what I do. So then I just decided to go ahead and put myself out there into the internet and tell my story. I also believe that # 1. It could help someone else and #2 this is therapy for me.  I am hoping to inspire people to tell there stories so that they too can be help for somebody. My mom always told me that I was special and even though she  didn't really understand it I know she believed in me. I know that I have a destiny or a calling and even if just one person is inspired or touched in anyway then that makes me fight that much harder for those who don't have the strength  to fight.

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